I'm not quite sure how this is supposed to work nor how fast this forum moves but I've got a little something I wouldn't mind some feedback on.
Fallout Equestria: Homesick. Front page and Forward.
The story itself; Homesick, has scope which is probably too large for my capabilities. Regardless, I have managed to write the first eight chapters of the story, which I consider volume one of Homesick overall. What I have posted here for critiquing is the first three chapters which comprises the first overall arc and introduce the main storyline.
I write usually for myself but I recognize that it's a terrible way to improve skills. What I really want to know if it was at all painful to read and if it was; what needed changing in order to make it adequately passable.