(Comments on idea) Advice, my good ponies, please!

[Killaba]

Oh boy how do I start this... Hmm....

Well. let me have a pity trip for a moment.

I am at the moment somewhere between half excited beyond belief, panicked attack, and utterly horrified. An almost perfect mix for an adrenaline rush (or is it one already?).

I have been cooking up an epic, or pathetically ambitious, idea in my head for a while now(several weeks), which was inspired by Fallout Equestria of course. Or rather, I was inspired to write a fiction in general by the story. For it has got to be one of best pieces of literature entertainment I have read period. Apologies, moving on.

Before I tell my idea I would like to note two more items: A) I'm half asleep right now. B) I've only read up to chapter 37 of Fallout Equestria, and no other side story.

Note: This may most likely be a waste of your time, just warning you. And also if I ever do end up writing this in the future...ending spoiler alert? (Pointless...)


So, I'm sure you can guess the following thoughts are going to be very scattered, more than they were before anywho. Do forgive me.


Now where to begin... I'm going to try and keep it as basic as possible.

I do not have any good pony name for now, so lets just refer to our main mare as Justine.

The first half of the story is basically a revenge tale. Justine is an earth pony, born of the wasteland, and an ex raider. She wasn't a raider by choice, rather she taken in by that particular group thanks to some strange sympathy the leader felt for her (I'm not explaining any of this plot points at the moment because I want to get the basic summary out of the way. I can explain if you ask, or try to). Fast forward a couple of years. A ranger stallion of the NEP (New Equestria Republic, more on that later) was hunting down the raider group and came across her and decided to take her in/rescue her (Once more, I'll elaborate more on this if you ask I suppose).

Flash forward five years later and the two are close companions, with an almost daughter/father relationship, and work as bounty hunters in the large trade city known as the Hub (Don't know what else to call it at the moment, horrible with names). On one day while they are relaxing, the Laughing Ponies Inc (Another group I'll talk about in a moment) comes into town and sets up parties and festivals for the evening. The two decide to participate, and at some point get drugged and knocked out. When they wake up, they find themselves bound in a dark, red hazed (mist?), and discover they were captured by the leader of Justine's old raider gang (he survived the trap the ranger had set up for his gang back then).

To cut to the chase: Justine's old boss kills her companion and roughs her up horribly. After a small period of recovery, she goes gun crazy on the criminal underworld of the Hub in search of her old boss, who has apparently created a new gang, except it dabbles in drug trafficking rather than psychotic raiding. The first half of the story follows her troubles and adventures in that and by mid point she will have accomplished her goal, although it'll be one of those very bitter, non satisfying revenges. The other half of the story follows her adventures into the actual wasteland, since she has to leave the Hub due to pissing off most of it's seedy individuals and then some. This is where I should probably start explaining the setting of the story.

The story is mainly set around the trade capital known as the Hub. What I imagined was that the Hub was the one true rising bastion of civilization and order in the wasteland, being the home base for the NEP. The NEP is a coalition of four factions that have split up the city, plus one extra faction cause of special conditions. These factions I will nickname the following: The tribals, the ghouls, the aristocracy, and the middle class, and the vigilante/warriors.

The main bulk of the city are the middle class, by which I mean Stable dwellers who first started the trade settlement of the Hub when they left the comforts of their Stable, wasteland settlers following and joining when they had become quite established. The aristocracy are, obviously, the rich of the city. They are the big time business owners and family descendants of the old noble houses of Canterlot, that were lucky enough to not be in the city when the missiles and Pink cloud hit, as well as the large family of the first leader of settlement, which had been the Overmare at the time.

The ghoul are a large faction of , obviously, still intelligent ghoul ponies banded under the leadership of a stallion unicorn who has discovered, or rather dabbled and expanded upon, the magic school of necromancy to the point of being able to bring back feral ghoul's minds to a semi intelligent state, on the level of that of a retarded child, as well as perform other beneficial spells and so on concerning ghouls. A very passionate activist of ghouls rights, and also a bit of a mad scientist basically. They inhabit the area of the Hub which had once been a mining centre before a series of accidents during the towns upbringing lead to it being heavily radiated.

The last faction that has a section of the city itself are the vigilantes. This faction is made up of, you guessed it, bounty hunters, vigilantes, guards and wasteland warriors in general. They came to when a bounty hunter group settled up into the most seediest part of town, where not even the small guards then would dare wonder into, and dealt with it's high crime rates, as well as nearby raider groups. The town rewarded them with a seat on the council, they had requested such, a large funding to further set up operations and since then they are basically the local unofficial guard of the city.

The most controversial and recent group are the tribals. The tribals are basically a united group of nomands and tribes who reside on very valuable farmland and control one of the last few fresh gem( among other precious metal) mines in the land. The NEP usually wipe out, brutally annexe, or ignore most tribals they meet but this group forced the NEP to agree to open up trades and support them and form an allegiance in exchange for being allowed to farm and mine their precious resources, although they keep a tight leash on it all, holding the valuable resources as their hostage in a sense. The NEP wished for them to be on the council and be recognized as an official state due to the large amount of, important, land owned by the tribe and as a way to solidify diplomatic ties.

The city's underworld is split into three factions of its own. To sum it once more, and without description for two of them: A ghouls mafia of sorts, Fiend gang, and Party Time Inc ( For lack of a better name. Another group I'll explain in a bit.)

Now, before I proceed to elaborate on the factions outside the city, in the wasteland, I would like to note the multiple faction city was inspired by the online webcomic DrowTales (http://www.drowtales.com/) and characters of said factions will be based off those characters too, in a sense. I'll be trying to have political intrigue and tension and so on, a civil war within the city basically. And if you have read by this point, I applaud you for taking time to read my mess and I would give you a cookie if I could.

Moving on, there are five big factions outside the city I imagined, original factions anyways, and they are the following:


The four factions which try to follow the ideology of four of the Ministry Mares:

Twilight: Followers of the Stars/Magic (Followers of the Apocalypse basically). A section of zealots from this group have broken off and merged with scattered Steel Rangers, scattered due to Steel Hooves outcast rebellion, to form The Keepers faction, which has similar goals to the previously mentioned Followers faction but wishes to control who gets what knowledge and technology and when. This second faction basically wishes to have a tight control over the culture/scientific advancement/evolution of the wasteland.

Pinkie Pie: Laughing Ponies Inc and Party Time Inc. Both are groups run by ex Ministry of Moral ghouls. The Laughing Ponies tries to continues Pinkie's dream of bringing parties and laughter to all of Equestria and is an entertainment corporation, bringing good cheer wherever they can. Party Time Inc is the more shadier half, they deal in drug trafficking and gambling, spreading the more "sinful" (if Equestra has a concept of sins, which I doubt) delights.

Rainbow Dash: Rainbow Bolts: Rainbow Bolts are the vigilantes of the wasteland, the do gooders made up of dashites, who try to bring hope to the wasteland through their "heroic acts". Yes, they dress up in wonder bolt costumes except coloured in rainbows instead of blue. Although a good section of them have broken off to actually be more serious about their line of work, most of these defects making up the bulk of the leadership of the warrior faction of the NEP.

FlutterShy: A special faction of "Dryads", in a sense, have appeared in a secluded forest haven where life blooms, if slowly, once more. They try to follow FlutterShy's philosophy and wish of bringing and care and peace to all the land. They are split into three divisions: Dryads, which take care of their small forest home and continue to relearn and research the natural magic, or whatever it is called, in order to spread agriculture and rid of taint and radiation. Medics, ponies wearing the traditional Ministry of Peace uniforms who travel the wasteland healing any and all, regardless of faction or sanity, and freely sharing medical knowledge with all. Then there are warriors trained in non lethal tactics, martial arts and blunt weaponry, who protect the faction.

A section of them have developed an eco-terrorist zeal though, and have broken off in order to peruse a new agenda of destroying any and all pre war technology, any technology that happened near the start of and after the war, which mainly includes guns. The faction as a whole shuns any coal powered and/or new age/industry tech that came near and after the war and prefer to live the more natural way Equestria once did.

The last major faction of the wasteland, and more or less the antagonist of the story: Luna's Legion (LL), or the Legion of Luna (LoL) if I wished to be clever.

This is a war horde led by a tactical genius ex-Steel Ranger, or independent Alicorn since I've seen one story about such in the side story section, who claims to have visions sent to her by Luna herself, declaring herself a "Daughter of Luna". She claims Luna is guiding her to conquer and unit the wasteland and so on. Her army is made up of united tribal and raider clans. Yes, she does practice slavery. Yes, this is kind of my Caesar's Legion/Red Eye's army.

But, unlike those two, I'm going for a more...Genghis Khan/Joan of Arc sort of character. Joan of Arc in that the leader of this faction is actually a very honourable and good person, would probably be a good guy if not for this, and does indeed believe she is guided by the goddesses.

Genghis Khan in that she is brutal and cold and harsh in warfare, with raping and pillaging usually allowed to happen, but just and wise in politics and economy. The slaves actually get treated pretty good compared to their usual treatment, with a high rate of captured prisoners converting and expressing wishes to join her faction after only a few weeks. Settlements which surrender benefit greatly. She encourages equality between the ponies, ghoul ponies, and zebra's, religious tolerance as well, and works tightly with the previous mentioned Followers and Dryads to re-educate and rebuild a proper society, with a fair amount of success. She has even travelled far and returned with the support of the last remnants of the Griffon Kingdom.

Of course, there is dark play at work in her miraculous success so far. I was thinking she'd have an orb like artifact, possibly another dark powerful zebra item like the black book, which lets her have such influence over people. Like the Pieces of Eden in the Assassin's Creed series as an example of what I mean. Oh, maybe I can include some cosmic horrors...

Er, never mind, moving on.


Following this, I'm sure you've guessed the end of the story will have the main char confronting this Legion in some manner. And that is where I wish to pull a twist. I wish to pull a Wrath of the Lich King on this one. For those who don't get the allusion, my idea is that if my mare does end up killing the Legion Leader, she must end up becoming it's new leader lest the spell of the artifact break and the army of tribals and raiders break all civility and bring further hell down upon the wasteland.


With the basic setting I wish stated, here is where my first major problem comes up: I don't know where it's taking place on the actual map. I wish for the story to take place quite a distance away from the original Fallout Equestria so as not to step on any story mines, considering the scope of all this. I was thinking this either takes place at least a century after Fallout Equestria, or at least in some far away part. Stalliongrad maybe?


In any case I could gone on about all the companions she'll meet up with, but I think I've wrote enough. Any questions about the main character, her back story, the setting ,the names (oh god this part is going to give me hell), I'll gladly answer. I have the answers, I just can't put my idea into a good summary.


This is the first story I actually think I could attempt writing. So I come here baring my insanity and plead once more for someone to help me clear up this mess. It would be immensely appreciated, at the very least told if this was doable.

Thank you for your patience and your time. Have a wonderful day. *Deeply bows before proceeding to duck under table for incoming possible boo storm*

Oh, and another note. I have only played Fallout 3 and New Vegas, and I am willing to play Fallout 2 to get a better feel for this stuff. Just asking if that would actually be helpful, doing that... Anyway back to the dark corner.

[Damhoof]

Well. I can't see why this story won't work. Seems interesting enough except for that father daughter relationship, and you seem to bend certain events into happening, but that's fine. ;p

Generally speaking i can only advice you to not loose hope. A story this big does not write itself, and will take time to properly knot down. We are more than willing to help over at the google doc (side stories complication document).

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Kao ... t?hl=en_US

The above is the link. Just enter the chat, and be welcomed. We can proofread, and help you work things out if you ever encounter the infamous writers block etc. No problem. Dina out.

[The Jack]

As Dina said, this looks like it could work =D
You seem to have put a lot of thought into this too =D I say go for it! xD