Fallout Equestria: Wetgrave. editors needed

[amanekudara]

Hello there,

My name is AmaneKudara, I'm here to talk to you about my story Wetgrave, and give you a quick overview of the story, the characters, and the direction I plan to make the story go in the long run. However I will try to keep it tame, as I have some very shocking twists, and character developments that will happen in the later parts of the story. I figured I'd come to you now, and maybe attract the attention of people looking for a new story to read. I'm also in desperate need of an editor so if at the end of this; you feel you'd like to give me a helping hoof, feel free to send me a pm or leave a comment in this thread. (also I may be in the livechat.)

Now onto wetgrave .

Wetgrave is a story about a flightless pegasus pony named 'Champagne' who serves as maintenance in his home stable 22. Usually preforming work on all manner of things including the stables megaspell power generator. Due to his flightless nature, he had a deep yearning to fly, and tries to achieve flight by mechanical means. This involved strapping canisters of compressed air and using them as a means of propulsion. His technical aptitude and constant thirst for knowledge quite high to compensate for his lack of physical skills. When 'Champ' (his nickname) is put into the wasteland he applies his combined knowledge and uses it to solve problems macgyver style.

Now I've told you about the character I should talk to you about the wasteland he will be partaking in. Wetgrave takes place for the most part in places that were largely effected by the melting of the icecaps, thus many of the places Champagne will travel to will be effected by the sea, for instance one city is half flooded, and during a torrential storm it is impossible to travel the streets.

Now then I should mention that during the 150 years(yes a prequel) since the bombs fell the sea resources have recovered from the exploitation that both ponies and zebras have done to the sea. So there are many fish and with such a large source of food comes the ponies who would fish to feed their families. However some of the fish or mammals in the sea have grossly mutated. This means that there are large and dangerous creature of that sea that are quite hostile to ponies, often dragging them down into the depths of the sea where they would never be seen again.

This would be far less interesting if say most of the troted ground in this story were on the mainland, where it will only a little. Like the skyforces of the enclave or the steel rangers of the ground, there is another remnant faction. At sea there exist an entire fleet of prewar equestrian ships, both military and civilian whom have learned to live at sea. They have much of the original Equestrian values and culture that existed prewar, especially the extreme xenophobia of Zebras.

They aren't the only remnants at sea. Besides the intensely dangerous sea monsters, there exists the Zebra remnant armada. Both of these remnant factions continue the war of their ancestors . Both fear that the other would commit the final genocide over the other's race and thus are still fighting over this time. However both sides are stuck in a stalemate, small skirmishes still ensure but both sides are unwilling to be overaggressive lest they swing the favor of this longstanding war in the favor of their enemy.

In some bullet points I will list the things that will be in the story.

-Seaponies
-Clever Ingenuity
-many twists
-Philosophical discussions between the main character and others.
-political intrigue
-explanation of how each thing works in the wasteland
-Being an unofficial prequel to the original FOE there will be a few references to it, but mostly minor stuff.
-Limited amount of angst, (for a while)
-Sacrifice
-comedy
-awkward characters
- And so on.

I hope this has given you a good overview of my story without reveling too much.

[sargecadet]

If you don't mind, I'd like to give my opinion on your idea. Good points first!

A mostly sea based story? That sounds very interesting. The idea of post-apocalyptic water travel is one that hasn't been explored much. Also, the idea of a pegasus at sea is a thing you could definitely exploit for comic relief.

A repair based hero is a really neat idea. The prospect of McGyver style problem solving is an awesome one in a world where a lot of pre-war tech has been reduced to crap. I'm looking forward to this type of issue fixing in your story. Also, I'm assuming that you'll be giving explanations of how those bits of arcano-tech gadgets work, which if done correctly could be really interesting.

Limited angst and comedy. Thank Gawd. Seriously, some stories have way too much angst and no funny moments. Please, make it as funny and unangsty as you want. I'm friggin sick of piles of unrealistic wangst.
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All right, now onto the worrisome points:

Pegasi in stables. I have a problem with that. For one, they're pegasi. Even if your main character is flightless, most pegasi need to fly. They're just earth ponies with extra limbs if they don't fly and stables are very cramped. Also, in cannon pegasusness seems to be a recessive trait. Is Champ the child of earth ponies/unicorns or something? That I find a bit more believable than a bunch of pegasi stuck underground for 150 years. However, if it is recessive, why hadn't that trait died out over the previous generations? If his parents (and most of the stable [?] I guess) are pegasi, you need a pretty compelling reason for why they aren't above the cloud ceiling with the Envlave.

Unofficial prequel to FO:E. Eek, you're treading on some pretty dangerous ground there. Whenever you're trying to give a backstory for the established work you need to be ultra careful. If you aren't 100% accurate on your representation of the wasteland according to what Kkat and the rest of the fandom have established people are going to hammer you for it. Be very careful with what you claim.

Enclave. In FO:E the Enclave show up at a very important time in response to a very specific threat. Be careful how you represent the Enclave in your story because they could be misrepresented badly if you aren't careful about keeping them in character.

A sea remnant. Like, former Equestrian navy? How'd they survive the megaspells and radiation? Are they ghouls? This could be cool, but I kinda wonder what purpose they're gonna serve. Also, are they based on anything? The SR and E are expys of their in game counterparts and generally act they way they do in Fallout. Are the sea remnant based on anything? Also, Zebra remnant armada. Are they based on the PH remnant? If so, I have a lot of trouble picturing them at sea, but if you can pull it off realistically, more power to ya.

Philosophical discussions. Dear Gawd, please be careful when you do this. Philosophy done wrong sounds preachy and stupid. Please, please, please don't do this unless you have a really good reason. Philosophicalness leads to angst, which you say you want to limit. In short, philosophical discussions in stories suck (my opinion, not the only opinion, but one I think a lot of people share).

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Well, there's my two bits. I recommend you check out the FO:E wiki so that you can make sure you get your facts straight. Also, if you want to you might send a private message to ThatGuyFromThatPlace. They're doing a story set around the same time period, so you might have fun bouncing ideas off each other.

If you want an editor/pre-reader, I'm willing to do that. Send me the link in a private message or keep posting them in this thread. I'll keep sending you my responses if you want.

Good luck on your story!

[amanekudara]

Hello Sarge, I'd love to answer your questions, but I'd prefer to talk to them in a private message. However I will answer your questions and concerns here in very short bullet points, as to not spoil anything later.

-On the angsty part, I should clarify that it's the story will start off with a bit of reasonable angst, but stay at a low level, then build up later as the plot progresses. It defiantly wont be anywhere close to PH but I would vision it being closer to the original Fo:E and maybe less to begin with.

-As for the stable Pegasus thing, it's part of a stable experiment among other things in stable 22.

-As for your concerns of the prequel: we'll it wont be steping on the toes of many other sidefics or even the FO;E, since kkat purposefully left some fairly vague things in there so we could expand on the. Also anything that could end up in the original fic or the others will be strictly taken care of making sure it would believably fit in.

-There will be enclave but they will be a fairly minor component to the story.

-For the sea remnant you'd be assuming that the zebras and equestrians had current data on the position of the fleets during the original bombings, which wouldnt be the case since they would be constantly moving and such. Also it wouldn't be fair to assume that both sides nuked the ocean to bits making it full of radiation, sure they would be some bombs that land in the sea. But as cannon fallout 2 would prove survival is possible at sea. Also I should mention that the story wont just be taking out at sea, I would say about 33% has to do with it though. The rest of the story however will take place in locals that have been affected by it for the most part.

- As for philosophical discussion, they are meant to cause some angst and they will be fairly minor until later in the story.

Alright now that that's out of the way, I'd love to take you on as an editor because right now I have rather deep storyline, but I'm missing the writing skills to fully flesh it out. Suffice to say the ideas are there but the skill, is somewhat missing. I have been speaking to several others to try to help with it, and I believe I'm getting on track to fixing it.