The advice thread

[Kashin]

Dark Heresy... As in WH40k? Hmm. Could we have some examples on major wounds?

Okay, impact leg critical. This is an example from the game.
"The hit rips apart the flesh of the leg, causing blood to spray out in all directions. Even as the target tries futilely stop the sudden flood of vital fluid, he falls to the ground and dies in a spreading pool of gore. Such is the agony of the target's death that his piteous screams drown out all noise."
as for mine, i try to be realistic with injuries so they can get a bit visceral. Here is a bit from chapter two.
"I let out a sharp gasp and collapsed as a sharp pain shot through my body. The tearing sensation in my frost burns had returned, worse then ever. Even the slightest movement caused the thousands of tiny daggers inside me to rip into my insides. I curled into a tight ball, trying my best not to remain still. I could feel sharp points scraping against my lungs with each ragged breath I took. The blades were continually shrinking, but at an agonizingly slow pace.

After what felt like hours, the chainsaws under my skin returned to relatively pleasant cheese graters. I uncurled gingerly and checked one of the patches on my PipBuck leg; the yellowed section had turned deep red and wept, what looked like, blood slush when I put pressure on it. My whole body still ached, but at least I could feel it. As long as I could feel I would know I was still alive and that's what was important."
(frost bite is nasty stuff)

Though, honestly, I don't think anything can turn us off unless it's badly written and atleast moderatly realistic. Just look at all the shit that has happened to BJ and her friends. She got gutted... twice! And Glory lost her wing! Rampage got eaten! Repeatedly!
Yeah, as long as you write well I sincerely doubt you'll turn us away with gore. And, I don't think you'll be able to top that anyway.

Must. Not. Take. As. Challenge.

Also, the program used for the show is Flash. An older version of it too, if I remember correctly.
I might look into that Adobe Illustrator though, depending on how much spare time I have.

Flash was used to animate it. Illustrator is used to make models as Flash lacks the precision need for high quality work (this is a guess, I just doubt that they could draw quality ponies with flash's clunky controls)

[Quick Study]

Though, honestly, I don't think anything can turn us off unless it's badly written and atleast moderatly realistic. Just look at all the shit that has happened to BJ and her friends. She got gutted... twice! And Glory lost her wing! Rampage got eaten! Repeatedly!
Yeah, as long as you write well I sincerely doubt you'll turn us away with gore. And, I don't think you'll be able to top that anyway.

Must. Not. Take. As. Challenge.

I already got a couple of scaring, both physical and emotional, moments for my characters in the works. *evil grin*

Also I got a quick question, what do ya'll think is a good name for a US Marshal like group for the Enclave. Pretty much they track down and either monitor or remove any pony demmed a threat to the Enclave, the threat could be Enclave, Dashite, or even a non-pegasus. The two current idea I have are Justicar or Regulators.

[Kashin]

Also I got a quick question, what do ya'll think is a good name for a US Marshal like group for the Enclave. Pretty much they track down and either monitor or remove any pony demmed a threat to the Enclave, the threat could be Enclave, Dashite, or even a non-pegasus. The two current idea I have are Justicar or Regulators.

As most Enclave groups are perversions of pre-war groups I would go with Sky Marshals. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_marshals

[Damhoof]

As for my question. I want to know how far is too far (I know it varies from person to person so the more people answer the better gage I can get on the community). What act do you consider a hero’s moral event horizon? How graphic can an injury get before it goes form effectively shocking to tasteless? How vial can an enemies get before they become unenjoyable to read about? Ect.

So long as it serves the plot for her to get wounded or severly crippled its fine, and you get to cure her of it with magic later. So go wild ;3

[Kashin]

So long as it serves the plot for her to get wounded or severly crippled its fine, and you get to cure her of it with magic later. So go wild ;3

Cure *shifty eyes* right.

[The Jack]

Dark Heresy... As in WH40k? Hmm. Could we have some examples on major wounds?

Okay, impact leg critical. This is an example from the game.
"The hit rips apart the flesh of the leg, causing blood to spray out in all directions. Even as the target tries futilely stop the sudden flood of vital fluid, he falls to the ground and dies in a spreading pool of gore. Such is the agony of the target's death that his piteous screams drown out all noise."
as for mine, i try to be realistic with injuries so they can get a bit visceral. Here is a bit from chapter two.
"I let out a sharp gasp and collapsed as a sharp pain shot through my body. The tearing sensation in my frost burns had returned, worse then ever. Even the slightest movement caused the thousands of tiny daggers inside me to rip into my insides. I curled into a tight ball, trying my best not to remain still. I could feel sharp points scraping against my lungs with each ragged breath I took. The blades were continually shrinking, but at an agonizingly slow pace.

After what felt like hours, the chainsaws under my skin returned to relatively pleasant cheese graters. I uncurled gingerly and checked one of the patches on my PipBuck leg; the yellowed section had turned deep red and wept, what looked like, blood slush when I put pressure on it. My whole body still ached, but at least I could feel it. As long as I could feel I would know I was still alive and that's what was important."
(frost bite is nasty stuff)

Also, the program used for the show is Flash. An older version of it too, if I remember correctly.
I might look into that Adobe Illustrator though, depending on how much spare time I have.

Flash was used to animate it. Illustrator is used to make models as Flash lacks the precision need for high quality work (this is a guess, I just doubt that they could draw quality ponies with flash's clunky controls)

Ah. Again, I demonstrate my moron-ness (is that even a word?) about stuff like this xD (about the Flash/adobe thing)

Anyhow. The WH40k description was not too gory; it was too cheesily written. The frost-bite example you wrote though was excellent. I liked how you said "the chainsaws under my skin returned to relatively pleasant cheese graters". Really slams in how painful that is xD
How do you know how frostbite feels like though? Second hand descriptions, or have you actually felt it? Just curious here.


Now, there was something I wanted to ask earlier tonight, when I was playing some Fallout 3, but... I forgot.
I hate it when that happens. xD

[Quick Study]

As for my question. I want to know how far is too far (I know it varies from person to person so the more people answer the better gage I can get on the community). What act do you consider a hero’s moral event horizon? How graphic can an injury get before it goes form effectively shocking to tasteless? How vial can an enemies get before they become unenjoyable to read about? Ect.

So long as it serves the plot for her to get wounded or severly crippled its fine, and you get to cure her of it with magic later. So go wild ;3

I agree. I've always said there is no need for violence just for the sake of violence. A good example of this is comparing the violence of say Saving Private Ryan and Piranha 3D, yes I know ones a war movie and ones is well I still don't know how to describe Piranha 3D, but roll with me on this. Saving Private Ryan was a very bloody movie, I still remember all the media it go when it came out, but the violence gave a extra depth by showing just how chaotic and hellish the battlefield was. While Piranha made it violent just for the shock value, just look at the scene where the girls hair gets caught in the propeller. When it the guy finally got the motor to work, it ripped her face off, when in reality the worse it would have done was scalp her.

It's all about giving meaning and purpose to the violence, heck thats one of the reasons why Cupcakes has affected the brony community so much. The violence played out the story as much as the words did and words set the path of the violence.

I guess to sum things up; you want the chill the blood of the reader, not make them sick to their stomach.

[Kashin]

Anyhow. The WH40k description was not too gory; it was too cheesily written. The frost-bite example you wrote though was excellent. I liked how you said "the chainsaws under my skin returned to relatively pleasant cheese graters". Really slams in how painful that is xD
How do you know how frostbite feels like though? Second hand descriptions, or have you actually felt it? Just curious here.

Thank you.
I have not experienced it my self but i do know what causes it (tiny shards of frozen blood and body fluids that slice into the victims innards and every time your temperature yoyos before a full recovery the shards get bigger and more jagged [same basic concept as refreezing ice cream interestingly enough ]) and have seen what it does to pork and beef (almost perfect analogs for human and pony tissue respectively).

I guess to sum things up; you want the chill the blood of the reader, not make them sick to their stomach.

The goal I'm going for is realism and rest assured, unless it progresses the story, provides a dramatic moment or develops the character I will avoid being gratuitous.

[The Jack]

Aha! Now I remember what I wanted to ask about;

Do you guys have any opinion on whether I should write in first or third person?
I am wondering about doing it in 1st person mostly because Fo:E and PH are both done so... but I am horribad at 1st person. I'd personally much rather do a 3rd person view, but centered mostly on Gears (the main character).
Any thoughts?

[Quick Study]

Aha! Now I remember what I wanted to ask about;

Do you guys have any opinion on whether I should write in first or third person?
I am wondering about doing it in 1st person mostly because Fo:E and PH are both done so... but I am horribad at 1st person. I'd personally much rather do a 3rd person view, but centered mostly on Gears (the main character).
Any thoughts?

I've thought about doing 3rd person like Pink Eyes does, but the reason why I went with 1st person is to better focus on Hotwire. Since the whole point of the story is him trying to gain redemption from his past sins and it's a bit harder to do inner monolog in 3rd person.

So I guess if you think it's important to reveal the inner thoughts of Gears then I recomend trying 1st person.