Fallout: Equestria Resource

for the PnP roleplaying game I created Ember, a pyromaniac unicorn mare. When thinking of a background for her she started to become more and more alive for me. So I decided to write it out as a story. Since this is actually the first time I have written a proper story I reckon I could use some help improving it. So if you are willing to proofread just send me a message and I will give you the rights to alter. Furthermore any criticism is appreciated, so feel free to give your opinion. Anyway, here is Ashes to Ashes - Chapter 1: Memories

Proof read.
That was hot! (I was going to say cool ... but ... well, you know!)

Thank you for proofreading!
I fixed the things you mentioned and I'm glad you liked it

i made a new chapter!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YEQ ... edit?hl=nl
comments are appreciated

will get to this after I've been to the dentist. (hole transfer system. Fill hole in tooth. Create hole in wallet.)

good luck at the dentist, holes are never fun. I only had one once, luckily it was still a milk tooth and it could be pulled out. still not fun though.

I'm not doing too badly. by the age of 48 teeth have a lot of cracks, and it is these cracks that are causing the problems - bits of tooth break off!
Proof read. Do I detect a little of Demi in Ember?

otherunicorn wrote:by the age of 48 teeth have a lot of cracks, and it is these cracks that are causing the problems - bits of tooth break off!

At 41 and in the same boat, five teeth ended up missing pieces over time

good to hear it went well. Thank you for the proof read, I fixed the things you pointed out. Also, thanks to you I know now the difference between lying and laying

Chapter 3 is up for proofreading