Fallout Equestria: Rumble in Berlaska

[PONY 2012]

Hey so I'm writing a story called Rumble in Berlaska.

This is my first time writing fiction so if anyone would be willing to look it over and tell me what works and what doesn't I'd appreciate it.

I think it's probably going to be a comedy but I'm still trying to give the story a feeling of an over-the-top, wacky world-gone-mad that still maintains a sense of gravitas and coherency in its own context.

I guess one thing I'm a little concerned about is how exposition heavy the intro is. I mean I'd like to think that it's funny, and I've tried my best to have it be an exposition of Oscar Charlie's character and not just the world he lives in, but I don't have experience with this kind of writing and I'm curious to see how others interpret it.

Thanks!

[PONY 2012]

The first draft of the first chapter, "Oscar Charlie Meets the Gorilla Ghoul", is done. Please take a look and let me know what can be improved.

I suppose I should mention that I'm looking for an editor and/or prereader for the whole series, too.