Pink Eyes discussion

[The Jack]

In the vein of the other main story discussion posts, I'm making the Pink Eyes discussion post.
Since the Pink Eyes subforum doesn't actually exist just yet, I'm stuffing it here untill it can be moved. ^^

MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD

Right now, I'm going through the first chapter of Pink Eyes. I must say, it's very unusual to have that perspective.
It's also heartbreakingly sad and diabetes-inducingly adorable.

Quite an odd combination, I must say.

EDIT: And, I am pretty much waiting for the next time this poor kid gets killed. I feel so incredibly sorry for her.
She honestly would have been better off truly dying than living on like this :3

[Pinkie Pie!]

i have read all the chapters, definately worth reading. very unique perspective.
im lovin it

[The Jack]

This story seriously redefine "emotional rollercoaster".
One moment, I'm on the verge of crying (which is a literary feat in itself, me being a cold bastard when I read), and the next moment I'm laughing my ass off. Rinse repeat.

xD


EDIT:

"A sudden ringing noise interrupted Puppy. She derped for a moment before launching herself in search of whatever made that funny noise. After some jumping and skipping, the filly found a red telephone just in front of a dusty desk. Puppy picked up the receiver, “Hallo? Mom's not here and I'm too little so I can't take a note. Can you call at dinner, pretty please?” The universe d'awed."

That paragraph. KKat-level hilarious, combined with overwhelming cute. The universe did indeed d'aaw. xD

[Nightmare Luna]

*Add's this to the "must read" list* This list never get's any smaller...

[The Jack]

:3

I really really hope Puppy finds her mom as a ghoul. It would be a horrible thing to be a ghoul, but it's the best ending I could possibly imagine for poor Puppy, save mercy-killing her. And if that happened, I'd flip the table and go murder the author, because she's way too adorable to kill :3

If the hypothetical reunion scene is as well written as I hope it will be, I'm probably going to shed happy tears there. That happens rarely, though it's less rare than sad. But you have already almost had me crying of sadness, so I think you'll be able to pull off happy too. xD

EDIT:
"Here's a pony there's a pony
and another little pony
funny pony party pony
pony pony sprite"

This just made my week. xD

EDIT2: (In case you haven't noticed, I'm doing running updates on this post while I'm reading xD )
Why does the mental image of a dead kid in a radiation suit, hugging a huge tank-shell sitting in the middle of an abandoned military base splat in the middle of a post-apocalyptic wasteland strike me as SO INCREDIBLY ADORABLE?! xD

[otherunicorn]

:3

I really really hope Puppy finds her mom as a ghoul. It would be a horrible thing to be a ghoul, but it's the best ending I could possibly imagine for poor Puppy, save mercy-killing her. And if that happened, I'd flip the table and go murder the author, because she's way too adorable to kill :3

You do know the author is one or us, don't you?

[The Jack]

:3

I really really hope Puppy finds her mom as a ghoul. It would be a horrible thing to be a ghoul, but it's the best ending I could possibly imagine for poor Puppy, save mercy-killing her. And if that happened, I'd flip the table and go murder the author, because she's way too adorable to kill :3

You do know the author is one or us, don't you?

I know.
Makes him easier to track down.
xD

But in all seriousness; I'm am such a sucker for happy endings. I really hate seeing a good story ruined because rocks fall everybody dies. Of course, if the author decides it, I won't complain. Atleast not anywhere but in my head.
In this particular story I'm even more for a happy ending; the poor filly deserves it after all the shit she's gone through, and will be going through in the near future. And the far future too, while at it. She's immortal, almost unkillable, and is pretty much wandering through hell. I really really really wish she gets atleast some emotional support from a mother once she starts to realize exactly what has happened. If she comes to the end of the road, only to find that her mother has been dead for two hundred years... I think it'd break the poor thing.
And, ignoring all emotion here, that would also be a rather poor choice from a writers perspective. The story, so far, is diabetes-inducingly adorable, hilariously funny, with an undertone of heartbreakingly sad. So far, the adorable and the funny far outweights the sad, and assuming it continues like this to the end, suddenly ending everything with Puppysmiles finding her mothers corpse would not resonate well with the rest of the story.
Of course, it COULD gradually get darker and edgier as Puppy starts to realize what is happening, but that would kinda ruin the unique of the story, so I highly doubt that will happen. I sure hope it doesn't happen; the majority of all three large parts of the story (adorable, funny and sad) are all provided by Puppys innocence and childlike-ness. Taking that away would highly likely ruin the story.

....

[/rant]
xD
Sorry fer wall of text =D


EDIT:
On a sidenote; I love how all those internet references are spaced out in the text. Not enough to be annoying, but enough to make me laugh. ^^ Be careful with that one though; I bet it's easy to go over the line with it.

[mimezinga]

hey, the ending is the ending, i go for both happy and sad; I really try hard to make them not senseless... I mean, there are good endings that sucks (like, you know, mahoromatic) and bad ending that are just perfect for the story (like, ah, Dr. Strangelove) and other endings that simply don't end the story at all (like, well, the day the earth stood still) an ending is an ending, i'm more into happy endings too, but really, i won't go for a "And puppy met her mom and she was okay", really, what IQ somepony must have to... what, puppy? that was what you expected to happen? ah... (help!)... sure she is okay don't worry! oh c'mon don't frown... (HEEEELP!) no, no, it' okay, really, mom iss okay!... ah... maybe now we go to the toy store and buy a doll, right? (WHY I PUT MYSELF IN SUCH TROUBLES!?) why? because you are a nice pony, that's why! no need of being suspicious! (ah, gottta go bai!) yes, yes, i'm coming! yes i like you too... foals...

[The Jack]

hey, the ending is the ending, i go for both happy and sad; I really try hard to make them not senseless... I mean, there are good endings that sucks (like, you know, mahoromatic) and bad ending that are just perfect for the story (like, ah, Dr. Strangelove) and other endings that simply don't end the story at all (like, well, the day the earth stood still) an ending is an ending, i'm more into happy endings too, but really, i won't go for a "And puppy met her mom and she was okay", really, what IQ somepony must have to... what, puppy? that was what you expected to happen? ah... (help!)... sure she is okay don't worry! oh c'mon don't frown... (HEEEELP!) no, no, it' okay, really, mom iss okay!... ah... maybe now we go to the toy store and buy a doll, right? (WHY I PUT MYSELF IN SUCH TROUBLES!?) why? because you are a nice pony, that's why! no need of being suspicious! (ah, gottta go bai!) yes, yes, i'm coming! yes i like you too... foals...

*snort-giggle* xD
But yeah, I realize that there is no logical option that would make for a truly good ending here. The most I'm hoping for is a bittersweet one. Just don't go breaking Puppys mind by letting her find her moms corpse or anything? Please? Puppy please? xD

Oh! On a sidenote.
I actually dreamt about this story tonight :3
Not even kkat has managed that yet xD
I can't remember exactly what it was, but it involved a military base, Puppy saying that code (using the phonetic alphabet no less), and, for some reason I don't quite understand myself, a human sergeant that stole the codes.
Don't ask me about how it makes sense. Most of my dreams don't, and when they do, they only make sense to me anyway xD

So, in essence; Mimezinga: 1 Kkat: 0 Somber: 0
xD

[The Jack]

Yay! New chapter is up! =D

Before I continue reading, I'm jsut gonna poke in and say that a gun using rings (or more correctly, spirals) circling the barrel is Gauss gun.
The railgun operate on a different but simalar principle.
If you want, I could try to give ya a quick rundown of the physics involved xD

So far, the sentencing looks a little bit "strung out" to me. As in, too few stops, making the whole this seem like it's strung out on a giant line.
That's awesome when you're in the middle of the bombardment, but once it stops you might want to change the sentence structure a bit.

Also, Puppetsmiles is creepy. xD

Now, after reading it, I want to mention that the language of this chapter seem to be sliiiightly unpolished. Not enough to make it bad (not even close), but just enough to irk me xD
It irks me more that I can't quite put my finger on what needs to be changed either. Eh.

And lastly... That's quite the perk Puppy got there. xD