Fallout Equestria: Operation Flankorage

[Imperiumofman]

Quick summary.

Maple is fun because she's very assertive in telling the main character when he fucks up. She yanked away the best weapon he's seen so far in the first chapter. She's strong, tough, fearless and not afraid to speak her mind. I like female characters like that. You keep coming up with cool ways to circumvent the whole "I'm an earth pony" problem.

As for echo she comes with a cool color scheme, a unique specialization that hasn't popped up for any Pegasus in any fic so far. She also has a cute outfit and some neat melee weapons with a lot of thought invested into them. There's potential to either cause tension for the party with the enclave or to have them work for the enclave. Plus she had to be stubborn as hell to survive sandstones attentions for so long. I spy a chance for an excellent character to develop so far.


Don't let your ego swell up your head too much buddy.

[Kashin]

Chapter 5 is up

and if its post number means anything it is the answer to life the universe and everything.

[The Jack]

Woho!
*Off to read*

Running commentary GO! xD
I am never going to be able to unsee the mental image of a giant griffin in a set of bring pink PJ's. xD

I'm starting to think Ocher's "crazy" isn't just his crazy after all. Also, being chewed out by what seems to be yourself = hilarious. xD

History. Aye, I agree with Ocher; it's important to know your... history. xD

Hah! Love the "decrypt a cloud" joke xD

"THE HORROR!" That joke pops up EVERYWHERE. Not that it's a bad thing; I laugh every time I see it xD

His hat had surprisingly good acousitcs? Does he even wear a hat?

Hehe. Nice to see Ocher realizing his own insanity when he talks to himself, shoots thing and "uses rocks for currency". xD
Nice save for the "talking to himself" thing though. xD I expect Echo to point it out at some point that she's not talking to him. xD

"Luna's lacy lingerie!"
While hilarious, I hope you aren't trying to one-up LittlePip in the cursing department. I think she's way ahead of ya. xD
Also; ew. Branding is nasty.

Winterized nightwear ftw. xD
Also, I'm totally calling that character being important.

My reaction to "demons" =

Also, I'm willing to bet these "demons" exist. If only for the opportunity for Ochers crazy to point it out for him.

And while at it, I see Ocher is the "Calamity" type of character; takes everything that isn't bolted down. And then, he takes any of the bolts he can pry loose.

"Whorld of difference". Groan. xD

Huh. Echo stole a cloud. For some reason, I find the thought of that incredibly adorable. xD

I'm willing to bet this "Harbinger" is last boss of this fic.

Ohohoh. You included the "Are you a spy?" comment. Nice.

Heh. Stable ponies are stupid jokes. I can see them coming already. xD On a related note, I'm totally going to use that in my own fic, but reversed. I just need to find a stable pony character first. xD

Also, I'm starting to get the impression that Ocher is a huge pony, despite not being very strong.

"Well fuck you too." That would've been my reaction too xD

Scoop snuggling tighter into a hug? This is foreshadowing, I bet. Of course, I suck monkeyballs at finding foreshadowing, so I might be wrong, but... Yeah. xD
I'm also willing to bet Maple won't like it.
... *two seconds later* ....
Totally called it.

Hehe. Having a bad habit of gathering mares that could kill him with no effort. I like the lampshading. xD

Aww. The hug thingy wasn't the reason. Oh well; this makes more sense anyhow. Also; Coltsanova. xD

Oh shit. Maple and Harvest and oh my. Talk about romanceplot twist!

"It was like hugging a toasty warm, flannel wrapped block of steel". Daym xD
Also, everyone seem to smell really bad at this point. xD

Also, he's quite skilled at hugging people by now. In general, I really liked that section xD

I can't help but think that a giant black vibrating bird making a buzzing noise is a reference to something. Care to enlighten me?
Also; I had no idea what a "walaroo" was, so I had to google it. When I did, I found out that it was mispelled; I think it's supposed to be "wallaroo". But why would there be kangaroo lookalikes in the frozen north? (or, well, up there atleast.)

Awww, no hugs from Echo.
I'm totally calling it that they will hug later. xD

"Well rehearsed grade A horseapples." Ooooh yeah. Damn straight it is. xD

Oh my. Echo told a joke! And a bad pun at that, too. xD
Ouch. No touching indeed.

Also, I'd NOPE my way out of there if I saw crickets that size.

Lol, surprise memory orbs for the win xD

"Potentially perfect pegasus posterior."
Heh. xD

"Heifer". Had to google that one. Nice.

Dash is so over the top. As usual; you wrote her well xD

Aha! The captain of Luna's guard. I see what you did there. Niiiiiice.

Gah! Cliffhangers! I hate cliffhangers -.- xD

Also, nifty perk. xD

[Kashin]

I am never going to be able to unsee the mental image of a giant griffin in a set of bring pink PJ's. xD

Excellent

I'm starting to think Ocher's "crazy" isn't just his crazy after all. Also, being chewed out by what seems to be yourself = hilarious. xD

As a matter of curiosity, what do you think Icy Voice is?

His hat had surprisingly good acousitcs? Does he even wear a hat?

That was a fallout joke, all hats give +1 perception. "I hid my horn under the padded hoofball cap" he never bothered to take it off.

Winterized nightwear ftw. xD
Also, I'm totally calling that character being important.

Yes, in the Flankorage naughty nightwear is the Pinkie saloon dress. You will see... I assume you are talking about Flights

Also, I'm willing to bet these "demons" exist. If only for the opportunity for Ochers crazy to point it out for him.

I have noticed that I foreshadow with a sledgehammer.

And while at it, I see Ocher is the "Calamity" type of character; takes everything that isn't bolted down. And then, he takes any of the bolts he can pry loose.

good caps in bolts, everypony needs bolts.

Huh. Echo stole a cloud. For some reason, I find the thought of that incredibly adorable. xD

I'm honestly surprised Calmity doesn't do this as they are a material that can be molded like clay, be made to have the durability of steel, produce clean water, shoot lighting and make complex electronics.

Also, I'm starting to get the impression that Ocher is a huge pony, despite not being very strong.

think classic pretty boy build; he is tall, svelte and a generally good looking equine, but is actually rather feeble if you need him to do anything.

I can't help but think that a giant black vibrating bird making a buzzing noise is a reference to something. Care to enlighten me?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coW4YkNenCs

Also; I had no idea what a "walaroo" was, so I had to google it. When I did, I found out that it was mispelled; I think it's supposed to be "wallaroo". But why would there be kangaroo lookalikes in the frozen north? (or, well, up there atleast.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLbZuV95tx4 Ignore the nope thing (I couldn't find an untweaked clip)

Dash is so over the top. As usual; you wrote her well xD

that is good to hear, it is always stressful writing established characters.

Gah! Cliffhangers! I hate cliffhangers -.- xD

Muahahahahah, mine is an evil laugh. thanks a bunch.

[The Jack]

I'm starting to think Ocher's "crazy" isn't just his crazy after all. Also, being chewed out by what seems to be yourself = hilarious. xD

As a matter of curiosity, what do you think Icy Voice is?

His hat had surprisingly good acousitcs? Does he even wear a hat?

That was a fallout joke, all hats give +1 perception. "I hid my horn under the padded hoofball cap" he never bothered to take it off.

Winterized nightwear ftw. xD
Also, I'm totally calling that character being important.

Yes, in the Flankorage naughty nightwear is the Pinkie saloon dress. You will see... I assume you are talking about Flights

I can't help but think that a giant black vibrating bird making a buzzing noise is a reference to something. Care to enlighten me?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coW4YkNenCs

Also; I had no idea what a "walaroo" was, so I had to google it. When I did, I found out that it was mispelled; I think it's supposed to be "wallaroo". But why would there be kangaroo lookalikes in the frozen north? (or, well, up there atleast.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLbZuV95tx4 Ignore the nope thing (I couldn't find an untweaked clip)

Icy Voice... I'm not sure. If one assumes that Ocher's brain has not been tampered with, it can only be either his own crazy, or (assuming this is possible), some sort of magic transmission. If he HAS been tampered with, it might be an electronic transmission instead.
Or, he could be possessed.
But, the only reason I think this is that how you write it could possibly be considered foreshadowing for "it's not his crazy!"
It would not surprise me in the least if it's just his crazy though.

*facepalm* Of course it's the perception hats xD I might have gotten that one if I remembered he still had his hat on though

If Flights was the one wearing the Pinkie Pie dress, then yeah, it's her. I mean, why add such an unique garment to a pony that isn't important?
...
Well, they could scavenge it off her corpse once she dies, but... xD

Buzzards that can really buzz. I feel like an idiot for forgetting that one; it had me in fits of laughter the first time I saw it. xD

And that explains the wallaroos too. xD

[Kashin]

6 is now up

[The Jack]

First breakfast, then read.
Or... breakfast AND read? Hmm...

Okay, I ended up with gingerbread cookie and soda. It's christmas.

Anyhow! Nice use of the Luna Eclipsed reference xD

Also, Icy Voice is a bit of a dick. xD

Eh, who was Cave again? xD That unconscious one?

....
Wereponies? That's what I'm guessing at now. Also, that means Ocher becomes one too! Ooooh, this ought to be interesting.

You're paralyzing Ocher? Daym man, going all out, aren't we? xD Yay for healing potions though! xD

...
He's scaring his own crazy. Either he's got a shootier look than BJ, or his crazy is a wimp. xD

On a sidenote; I'm not sure if I want to label Icy as a separate character, or a character trait of Ocher.

Chunky salsa all the way! You should've used that when talking about headshots though, IMO. But, I guess that's personal preference xD

Baron? Hurrdidurr. My first impression of the character is, regretably, "A Steelhooves ripoff". No offence dude, but it's remarkably similar; both are very old, both are legendary hunters, both use power armor (at least I assume what Baron is wearing is power armor...)... You get the point.
Kudos on having Baron show up after Ochoer and co. killed the whatevertheyare though. You rather narrowly avoided having her be a deus ex machina there xD
But yay! Now we will finally get some hints on what this "SpikeBuck" is. I am LittlePip-level curious here! xD

AhaHA! I said he was turning after getting bitten by those things! I am totally calling them wereponies from now on.

Also, that body augment perk gave me inspiration for what "unique spell" I'm going to give to Gears! Thanks! =D

[Kashin]

Also, Icy Voice is a bit of a dick. xD

"I am a vindictive bastard."

Eh, who was Cave again? xD That unconscious one?

Ayep

You're paralyzing Ocher? Daym man, going all out, aren't we? xD Yay for healing potions though! xD

yeah, most folk seem to think that the back and legs are relatively minor places to get hit, but there is some important stuff in the back and major arteries in the legs.

Chunky salsa all the way! You should've used that when talking about headshots though, IMO. But, I guess that's personal preference xD

well technically it was a head shot... with a hoof.

Baron? Hurrdidurr. My first impression of the character is, regretably, "A Steelhooves ripoff". No offence dude, but it's remarkably similar; both are very old, both are legendary hunters, both use power armor (at least I assume what Baron is wearing is power armor...)... You get the point.
Kudos on having Baron show up after Ochoer and co. killed the whatevertheyare though. You rather narrowly avoided having her be a deus ex machina there xD

I will admit that she is my Steelhooves analog, but she is a very different character, trust me on that one. And she is wearing reinforced metal armor.

Also, that body augment perk gave me inspiration for what "unique spell" I'm going to give to Gears! Thanks! =D

Glad to help.

[Sgt Muffin]

Man... i need to read this.

[Adder1]

Okay, so finally got to read this. And this is also my first post here. *yay.pny*

Alright, where to start...? I'm generally not too good at reviews, so I'll, well, try the best I can.

Your characters are unique to be sure. A "pod pony" suffering from split-personality schizophrenia from what it seems, a former-criminal-turned-security mare, and a stoic, no-nonsense, pegasus techie mare with a knack for things bladed and sharp. You develop your characters very well given such a short span of time and so few installments to the point that their actions and responses seem mostly natural given the context.

Atmosphere. Well, it's certainly the Wasteland, but it doesn't quite have that same dreary, dreadful feeling, at least until toward the end of chapter five and throughout chapter six in my opinion. I found your descriptions for the interiors of the buildings to be more substantial- even to the point of being overdone- whereas the open world outside seems a bit... lacking. This is strictly my opinion, however.

Normally, grammar is something I don't bring up too much, but in this case I've noticed quite a few misused words. Examples included things along the lines of something "peaking" one's interest rather than "piquing". They're not bad enough to ruin the reader's understanding, but they're numerous enough to bring attention to them. Otherwise, your writing is just fine. Better than fine, I should actually say.

So that's about it, or at least all I can come up with. You've got good character development swinging your way, but yet there's something lost on the atmosphere and a teensy bit of grammar stuff. Otherwise, I'm certainly looking forward to the next installment.

Cheers,
Adder1