Proofreading requested: Ashes to Ashes

[Pinkie Pie!]

for the PnP roleplaying game I created Ember, a pyromaniac unicorn mare. When thinking of a background for her she started to become more and more alive for me. So I decided to write it out as a story. Since this is actually the first time I have written a proper story I reckon I could use some help improving it. So if you are willing to proofread just send me a message and I will give you the rights to alter. Furthermore any criticism is appreciated, so feel free to give your opinion. Anyway, here is Ashes to Ashes - Chapter 1: Memories

[otherunicorn]

Proof read.
That was hot! (I was going to say cool ... but ... well, you know!)

[Pinkie Pie!]

Thank you for proofreading!
I fixed the things you mentioned and I'm glad you liked it

[Pinkie Pie!]

i made a new chapter!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YEQ ... edit?hl=nl
comments are appreciated

[otherunicorn]

will get to this after I've been to the dentist. (hole transfer system. Fill hole in tooth. Create hole in wallet.)

[Pinkie Pie!]

good luck at the dentist, holes are never fun. I only had one once, luckily it was still a milk tooth and it could be pulled out. still not fun though.

[otherunicorn]

I'm not doing too badly. by the age of 48 teeth have a lot of cracks, and it is these cracks that are causing the problems - bits of tooth break off!
Proof read. Do I detect a little of Demi in Ember?

[Arcane_Scroll]

by the age of 48 teeth have a lot of cracks, and it is these cracks that are causing the problems - bits of tooth break off!

At 41 and in the same boat, five teeth ended up missing pieces over time

[Pinkie Pie!]

good to hear it went well. Thank you for the proof read, I fixed the things you pointed out. Also, thanks to you I know now the difference between lying and laying

[Pinkie Pie!]

Chapter 3 is up for proofreading